Why There's No Such Thing As Moving On Too Quickly After A Breakup
When I broke up with my ex of six years back in October last year, I thought I’d take at least a year to move and think about someone else. Fast forward to a couple of weeks and I bumped into my now-boyfriend in a bar! Safe to say that it took me a couple of weeks from untangling a life of long-distance relationship and almost planning a future before I was holding hands and making promises to someone else. Did my ex call me and accuse me of moving on too quick? Yes. Did my close friends raise an eyebrow over me rushing into something else? Sure. Did I have second thoughts about going public with my new beau as to what would people think? Absolutely! But here’s what I learnt, breakup is for everybody. The aftermath is not. Everyone handles is differently. Some would rather stay at home and go through tubs of choco chip ice-cream while others would be on the lookout for a rebound to help them move on. There’s seriously no “right” way of moving on. However, there are a few things to keep in mind if you’re entering something new right after you’ve parted ways with someone you loved. Don’t Compare The Relationship To Your Previous One
If your ex got your flowers everytime you went out on a date, don’t expect your current partner to do so too. Instead, appreciate the things they do for you like making you your favourite coffee everytime you wake up together.
Remember It’s Not Going To Be Easy
Even if you’ve finally managed to meet your Prince Charming after being in a toxic relationship for years, it’s going to be difficult being in a relationship. You’re bound to have jitters and anxiety from your previous relationship which will of course be carried on to this one which is why practicing self-love and meditation might help.
Don’t Discuss Your Ex
Sure, your ex may have been the most toxic person to walk the face of earth but you don’t need to share every little detail about your previous relationship with your current beau. Of course, being honest about why the two of you called it quits is understandable and accepted, but giving them a first-hand account of the time their cat died isn’t. Let the past stay in the past!
Don’t Rush The Relationship Building
You must be used to discussiong every little thing with your ex of years, but that doesn’t mean you rush the entire bonding process just so you can feel as close and intimate to your new partner. Every relationship takes time and effort to build and it’s really not a competion.
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Signs You’re Spending Too Much Time Together And Need Some Distance
Remember when Mr Big from Sex and The City suggested to have two days off from his marriage to Carrie? Little did we know back then that it was actually healthy to do so! When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to lose track of the time you spend with your partner. Whether it’s sleeping over at their place 7 days in a row or taking way too many work-from-home days to cuddle with bed, it can feel like time doesn’t even exist anymore. Unfortunately, when you’re spending too much time together, it can seriously affect other parts of your life. Not just that, believe it or not, but it can also have negative impacts on your equation with your partner. If you suspect you and your beau are spending too much time together, here are certain signs that you should watch out for: 
You Have Nothing New To Say
Being comfortable with silence when you’re together may be one of the hallmarks of a healthy relationship but if you and your better half truly have nothing new left to say to each other, then it could be a sign of spending too much time together. Spending Sundays in bed together doing your own thing is one thing but going on dinner dates with nothing to talk about is another.
You’ve Stopped Putting In Effort
You know how in the start of the relationship, you’re putting in efforts and doing these sweet things to make your partner feel special? It could be cheering them up after a long hard day at work with their favourite coffee or gifting them a sweater that matches the colour of their eyes? Well, when you start spending so much time together, romance stops being natural and starts feeling unnecessary. If you no longer feel the motivation to keep the spark alive, putting in a little distance between you and your SO would be a wise idea.
You Have No Life
Remember those pilates class that you used to go to every tuesday with your best friend and have coffee with her after? Yeah, if you no longer go to those simply because your partner feels weight training would be a better workout, it’s possible you’re losing your sense of self in the relationship. Sure, cancelling a session or two simply because you have important events to attend with bae is one thing, but giving up your membership to spend more time with them is a red flag.
How To Know If You Like Him For Real Or Are Just Enjoying The Attention
When you first start going out with someone, everything feels exciting. Nothing like going out on dates, talking to them till 6 AM in the morning, and feeling those butterflies every time you see them, right? However, it’s easy to get caught up in the honeymoon phase and be blindsided by your actual feelings. Do you really like your new-found love or are you only enjoying the attention they give you? Interest Vs Attention
Let’s be honest– sometimes at the end of a long working day, there’s nothing quite like picking up the phone and sharing your thoughts with someone. Or having someone to talk to on a rainy Sunday noon, when you’re bored and have nothing else to do. Or to have someone accompany you at the movies. But if that’s all you really care about, then you probably just enjoy the attention and don’t like them.
When you care for someone, you genuinely are interested in their well-being, what they have to say, and everything else they bring to the table.
Are You Getting To Know Them
Getting to know someone goes hand in hand with showing interest in them. Can you honestly say that you’re learning more about them, and where they come from, where they see themself in five years or their childhood pet cat’s name? If not, then you’re really not interested in them and have spent all your time together talking about yourself.
Are You With Them Out Of Comfort
We get that going on multiple dates and meeting Mr Right has only gotten more difficult and just the thought of going on a slew of first dates can be daunting. Sure, certain elements are fun but going through the process every weekend isn’t. Now, go ahead and ask yourself if you are with them if you like them, or want to avoid the mess of starting all over again.
Are You Keeping Your Options Open
Usually, when you start going out with someone and start liking them, you delete those online dating apps from your phones and stop looking around for safety nets. But, this is only when you like someone. Having dating apps as a backup or asking your friend to set you up with that cute lawyer friend of hers are signs you’re only with your current partner for attention and don’t care enough about wanting something serious in the longer run.
Be Honest To Them
If you realise you only just like them for the attention they shower you with, it would be wise to tell them so. Communicate with them in a polite and kind way, and be honest about your lack of feelings. Whatever you do, do not just ignore them until they get the hint and stop calling you. It’s important to confront the issue and offer them an explanation rather than ignoring them. If you are confident in your decision, convey the same to them instead of leading them on and giving false hope to someone.
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